The Backlog pt.2: Philippines

Last year I had the opportunity to attend two gatherings in the Philippines in August that deeply marked me. The first was the Malachi Gathering, a meeting for 300 young leaders within YWAM. The second was Y Together , where over 4000 YWAMers from all over the world came together. Both events were an invitation to respond to the call for a next generation to rise up.

The Malachi gathering was a rallying cry for my generation to step up, not just as the “next generation,” but as leaders now. And in the process, I had a realization: I’m not the next generation anymore. I’m not the one being handed the torch — I’m one of the ones holding it, and it’s time to help pass it forward. That’s both exciting and sobering.

For so long I’ve thought of myself as one of the young ones still figuring it out, still growing. And for sure, I’m still growing. But these gatherings challenged me to recognize where I now stand — not only as a disciple, but as a discipler. Not just a receiver, but a giver. It’s time to walk alongside those who will go further and carry it longer than I ever will. And it’s time to keep showing up, even when it’s hard, to keep being faithful, and to not give up.

There was a lot of talk in those meetings about legacy, about passing on the DNA of YWAM to a generation that might never meet Loren Cunningham. That’s a big deal. Most movements lose momentum after the founder dies. Vision fades, and structure takes over. But Loren’s heart was always that Jesus would remain the leader of YWAM. And if that's true, then our responsibility is to keep listening to God, obeying, and not giving up. Those were the same values as the first pioneering generation.

One theme that kept coming up over and over was the fear of the Lord. Not in a “don’t sin” kind of way, but in the holy, weighty kind of way. A recognition that God is real, and close, and holy, and present. That the weight we carry in leadership must be matched by the depth of our surrender. That if we want to go far, we need intimacy, not just activity. That prayer can’t only happen at the end of meetings. That everything has to be fueled by intimacy, or it burns out fast.

There was this one moment that I keep coming back to: someone asked, “Are you willing to be disrupted by God?” And man… that question has stuck with me. Because I like planning, I like structure, I like knowing what’s next. But this season of stepping into deeper leadership has also meant making space for God to interrupt everything. To listen more. To lean into prayer before strategy. To make room for the next generation not just with words, but with my time, my presence, and my leadership.

I came back from those gatherings with a deeper conviction that I’m committed to staying. I’m committed to continuing. And I’m committed to raising up the young leaders around me. It’s interesting reflecting on this half a year after it happened, because there have been many times where I have wanted to give up. People work is hard work, and I’ve struggled a lot this last half year and I need to be reminded of these things.

I want to be the kind of leader who doesn’t just build things for my own name, but is the kind of leadership that leans on Jesus, listens to Him, and brings others along for the journey. Truly, when I think about the young people around me I feel hopeful. There is greater vision, greater hope for the future, a love for others unmatched, even though they are starting further back.

So I guess this is me saying yes again.

Yes to walking with Jesus in the long direction.
Yes to raising up leaders who will go further than I ever will.
Yes to prayer.
Yes to being disrupted.
Yes to carrying the legacy forward.

I don’t have it all figured out. But I’m here. And I’m in.
Let’s do this together

Some Values

I was preparing to share on some of the base values of YWAM Taipei, and as I sat with my notes, I found myself reflecting on my own journey with God and just life in general.

One of the values I shared was Biblically Grounded Discipleship.

Jesus said in Matthew 28, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations…” The primary clause in this passage is go and make disciples, and the rest of the commands are subordinate to those two ideas. Simply, the main call of Christians is 1) to go, 2) make disciples. Everything else falls under those. In seminary, one professor described discipleship as a journey done together at 3 mph. That’s walking speed, slow, but continuous, faithful, a speed where you can talk. Discipleship is a journey done together.

I’ve been reading a book called Future Focused Church (a great book), and there are always new strategies and research about how to lead people for today. Those are helpful and good, but I’m just struck by the importance of the journey of a body of believers just walking in life together for the long haul. I so often want quick feedback and quick implementation and evaluation, and the endless cycle of progress, but I’m reminded to simply be faithful to walk the path together with those around me. To value discipleship is to be committed to growth together. The journey of becoming like Christ together.

Another core value for us is being Relational — locally and globally.
This is something Darlene Cunningham once said — that YWAM doesn’t move through power or control, but through relationship, influence, and prayer. That stuck with me. We don’t want to build a ministry based on who has the loudest voice or strongest will. We want to be the kind of people who show up, who care, and who earn trust over time. The kind of people who wash each other’s feet. Who humble ourselves even when we’re “right.” That’s the kind of love Jesus modeled.

In John 17, Jesus prays, “That they may be one... so that the world may believe that you have sent me.”
Unity isn’t just a nice sentiment, it’s our witness to the world. The reality is that it’s hard, I often feel it, the loneliness, the tension, the moments where it feels like “us vs them.” That’s real. And this value is a commitment to fight for each other. To commit to staying at the table.

I was teaching the book of Judges a few weeks ago and was increasingly upset at how badly so many of the judges lost their identity as the people of God. Treating God as a god to be manipulated, lacking reverence, spending more time fighting against their own tribesmen than foreign invaders. And yet, in Hebrews 11:32-34, many of these judges I believe are failures, the text calls them heroes. In order to stay relational, I need to see people with God’s eyes, not mine. That’s true for individuals, churches, and other organizations. It’s hard to stay relational, people stuff is hard. The biggest reason missionaries leave the field is interpersonal relationships and that is sad, but revealing about the difficulty we face. And yet, we are still called to it and we have to fight for.

This isn’t a perfect base. But we are people who are trying to love Jesus, love each other, and love Taiwan well and I think that’s all I can ask for.

Living By Faith

Living by faith hasn’t been easy these past few years.
In the early days of being a missionary, it was honestly kind of simple. We didn’t have much. Money was always tight, but we got to see God’s hand provide again and again. There was something raw and beautiful about that season.

But now, being older—married, with kids—things feel heavier, harder. I think about college funds. I think about saving for retirement. All the stuff I could put off in my twenties doesn’t feel optional anymore. I feel like I’m paying the price for everything I didn’t plan ahead for. And that feels heavy.

For the past three years or so, I’ve been wrestling with this ongoing question: what does it actually mean to trust God with my life and family and where’s my responsibility? Where’s the line between wisdom and fear? What does faith look like in your thirties? What will it look like in my forties?

It hit again recently because of tax season. It’s hard every year. I know I need to save for taxes, but it always feels like I’m just barely scraping by. Some years, I’m not even sure I break even. And in the middle of that, I keep asking myself: what does it mean to be responsible? And how do I balance that with childlike trust?

I think about missionaries from past generations—people who gave their whole adult lives to this calling. Many of them hit retirement age without much to fall back on. I get it. Supporting a 25-year-old missionary feels exciting. Supporting a 65-year-old doesn’t have the same draw. And I feel that. I feel the fear of becoming a burden, of losing my appeal as I get older and having nothing to fall back on.

If I’m honest, I’ve been carrying a lot of stress trying to secure some kind of future—trying to arrive at that place where I don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck. But then Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount come back to me. “Don’t worry about tomorrow.” The birds don’t stress about where to sleep. The flowers aren’t working overtime to look beautiful. God takes care of them. How much more does He care for His kids?

Children don’t (shouldn’t) worry about provision. They can just trust. They know their parents will be there for them. That’s the kind of faith I want. But man, it’s hard. I’ve got three kids now. We will be helping to raise my niece and nephew. I’m still a missionary. And some days, it feels impossible to trust. The stakes are higher now. It feels too heavy.

Tho, maybe that’s the invitation. To trust more deeply. To step into the unknown. To go past the precipice, believing there’s going to be something to catch me. A step, a net, even a trampoline.

It’s been a constant wrestle. But I remember someone once told me, “When you die to yourself, you don’t get back up—you’ve died.” And I want that. I want to die to myself and live for Christ.

So here’s to laying this down—again.

the backlog pt.1

There’s no excuse for not writing updates, so I’ll be using this website to first catch up on the things that have happened in the past year and then between monthly (bi-monthly?) newsletters, having a place to put smaller thoughts, interesting things that have happened, creative projects, and generally keep more updated. Somewhere between the frequent impermanence of Instagram stories and the less frequent nature of writing newsletters is where this will exist.